So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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