I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
