Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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