around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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