you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
