Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
