Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
