I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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