Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
