I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
