He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
