I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
