Can i not drive my cunt home
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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