Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
