i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
