JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
