This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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