another moral hangover. fuck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
