I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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