the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
