You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
