Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
