I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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