Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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