Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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