In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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