Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
