The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
