I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize