By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
