apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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