How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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