Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
