So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
