he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
