I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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