I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
