and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
