I only kidnapped one of them. chill
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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