i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
