Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
