i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Damn victory sex feels great
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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