Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
