he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
