Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
