Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
