btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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