She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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