So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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