i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
