You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
