I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
