At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't turn off my feet"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
