I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
