There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
