we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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