please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
