I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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