I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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