tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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