I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
