After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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