it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
