So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
