i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
