Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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