Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
