I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
