So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
