Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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