can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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