Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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