Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
