I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
