She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
