when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
