i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
