My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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