We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
