Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
