So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
